Tips for Moms

This past week I had the opportunity to speak at a baby shower.  My thoughts turned into a bit of a top-ten list. It is by no means a complete list, but with the time I had to speak, I tried to cram as much as I could onto one page and into 5 minutes.  A few people have asked for it, so I thought I'd just post it here...

For Stephanie: Top Ten Tidbits of Mothering Advice ~ 02.23.12

Subject to change as I grow and learn more about being the mom God wants me to be… 

(*Crazy Glue: fixes almost anything they break…almost everything…)
10. Many wise women have told me this: Enjoy every stage of your child’s development.  Time is fleeting.  You won’t believe how fast the time flies…Before you know it they are behind the wheel & looking at universities… (Jms 4.14 Life is a vapour) Enjoy them while they are with you…some day you have to let them go…
9. Model a life of Balance…whether it’s in the work you do, the food you eat, the leisure activities you enjoy…the list could go on and on. What does this mean? One example: Balance work and play. It’s important to take time to play, dance and sing with your children.  When they grow up they will remember the time you spent playing with them, not whether your floor was sparkling clean. Give them undivided attention. Look them in the eyes when they are talking to you. Sometimes you need to demonstrate to them that they are more important than the dishes. (Eph 5.16-redeem the time)  
8. Be there and Party. As they grow older, be there for them.  Be there.  Watch them play their sports…cheer them on at the spelling bee or the battle of the books, and be interested in their hobbies and pursuits, whatever they are.  And Party with your children. Tell them you are proud of them. Celebrate their successes, remembering to thank God for giving them those gifts. Encourage them when they fail or fall. Let them fall…valuable lessons are learned when we make mistakes. Instil in them the desire to always do their best for God…and celebrate with them when they do! (Col 3.23; Eccl 9.10; 2Tim 2.15)
7. Let your yes be yes and your no, no. (Jms 5.12) If you make a promise…keep it…or…don’t make a promise you can’t keep. (Heb 10.23 God is the ultimate example of a promise keeper.) Along with this thought comes the idea of consistency.  Be consistent with what you expect in your children. Be consistent in your discipline. If you say something is going to happen, follow through with it…which also means, be very careful what you do say. 
6. Model gratitude and godliness with contentment (1Tim 6.6; 1Thess 5.18) – Being thankful – First to God for all His blessings, and also thankful to each other. Be content with what God has blessed you with. Teach the difference between needs and wants.
5. Model a love for learning and reading.  A love for godly wisdom and knowledge. Show your children what “lifelong-learning” means…especially gaining more and more knowledge about God…we never know it all! (Prov 1.7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom)(Jms 1.5 Need wisdom…ask for it.)
4. Model Love – speak it and show it daily. Say it and do it. Tell them you love them and shower them with affection. Tell them that you are so glad God made them. God has created us all unique. We are all created in His image…but we are also different from one another. No one is exactly like them…they have different gifts and talents…take the time to recognize them and help them to develop them and use them for serving God and others. (Ps 139; Mt25) Love them for who God created them to be.  Take that love outside the four walls of your home and touch your neighbourhood with love. (Jms 1.27)
3. Model confession and forgiveness (Col 3.13; Mt 6.12; 18.35) – we are all sinners. When you sin against your children, ask for forgiveness.  Pray with them and for them.  Keep your eyes and ears peeled for those unique “teachable moments.” Bedtimes are often special tender heart times…great times to talk about God and life…those times are often not forgotten.
2. Model the love of Christ and the church in your marriage (Eph 5.24-26; Col 3.18-20). This is one of the best gifts you can give your children…a model of a strong Christian marriage. Your children should see the love of Christ for His church being lived out before them.  They should see love and respect demonstrated in your marriage. They should see parents who serve one another and put each other first.  Protect your marriage. Put a hedge around your marriage and you will be protecting your children. Make your home a haven of rest, refuge and comfort for everyone.
1. Put God first. Love Him above all. (Deut 6.4-6; Lk 10.26-28) Put Him first before your husband and your children.  Maintain a strong relationship with Christ by spending quiet time with Him daily.  Take time to grow in grace and grow in your faith (2Peter 3.17-18).  Model the reality that you live under God’s authority.  Teach your children that they need to obey you, their parent…and demonstrate and tell them that you obey God. He is the head, the #1 in your life, your marriage and your family.

Reflecting on 19 Years

Are you ever amazed at how God orchestrates things in your life? Are you ever just dumbfounded by how it all fits together?  Of course, we shouldn't be surprised considering He is the Master-planner and the One who has all our days already ordained.

Well, it seems that the theme recently for things that I have read and listened to has a lot to do with living and loving to the fullest.  Living each day, loving the people in our lives, with everything we have.  Living with the realization that life is short and that we are just pilgrims, passing through this world.  God has given me an amazing husband, four beautiful children to love, and each day passes by so quickly, that I don't want to miss a moment.  Life is not all about me.  It's not about us as a family.  It's about God, living for Him, serving Him while we are here on this earth, and preparing ourselves for the life to come.

Confession time...I have to be honest.  This time of year is always a very difficult one for me.  After spending amazing quality time together as a family during our summer vacation, the middle of August always comes with a dark storm cloud for me.  Rick is always back at school earlier than the kids, so I have to adjust to running things here alone.  It always feels that our summer holidays are cut short because of his early return to the office.  Yes, I feel ripped off...Crazy, I know.  (That's my pity-party moment.)  The kids still have two weeks off, so we hope to enjoy the time we have left, (without daddy around during the day.)  We'll keep daddy busy when he gets home from the office! ♥

I always treasure the extra time to read when we go on vacation, and this year I read through a series by Karen Kingsbury that I had read years ago, the "Firstborn" series.  I totally enjoyed them and was one again touched by these fictitious characters and the changes that go on in their lives.  God is at the centre of the story-line and the characters go through a spiritual journey.  Their struggles are not unlike struggles that I see all around me today and not unlike my own struggles. 

This summer Rick and I celebrated 19 years of marriage.  Comparatively speaking, it's not very long.  We are amazed by God's leading during these years, all the places we have had the pleasure of living, all the wonderful Christian people we have met and loved, and how He has been the cement keeping us together.  It isn't and hasn't always been easy.  In this sinful world, Satan would like nothing better than to destroy Christian marriages and see us compromise our standards and break down the hedges around our marriage.  I thank God for protecting us all these years, and I thank God for a man who loves Him first of all and me second.  I thank God for a man who has strong convictions, who is self-sacrificing, always willing to help me, forever encouraging me, and who loves and lives for Jesus. 

We have been blessed with Christian parents who are shining examples of what Christian marriage looks like.  We might not be able to leave a lot to our children when we are gone, but we do hope to accomplish one thing, and that is to live and love and model a strong Christian marriage for them.  We have always believed that to be one of the best gifts we could give our children.

Karen Kingsbury's books might be fiction, but God has gifted her with a wonderful ability to write.  I want to share something from the last book in the series where a mother writes a letter to her children containing "Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage."  I think it's wonderful advice for anyone who is married.

1. God has you here to serve one another.  Love acted out is serving.
2. Women need respect and nurturing.  Love your wife so she knows you'd lay your life down for her.  Continue to date her and admire her.  Share a hobby--find something you can do to have fun together.
3. Laugh often.
4. Be patient.  Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.
5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.
6. Keep short accounts.  The Bible says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are angry." Make it a habit to forgive.
7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option.
8. Learn about love languages.  Not all people show love or receive it the same way.  You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen.  The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation.  Learn them.  Love is better received when it's in the language that person speaks.
9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.
10. Men are born to be leaders.  He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so.  If you love your husband, build him up.  Confident men do not seek love outside the home.
(from Karen Kingsbury's book, Forever)

Anniversaries are great times to reflect and evaluate how things are going in a marriage.  Every year I try to do just that and then ask God to help me see where I need to change things and improve.  I found this list a great spring-board.

As our summer comes to a close, I thank God for blessing me with the family that I have.  A new school year brings all kinds of emotions, opportunities, and even anxieties, so I am praying God will continue to be the captain of the "Schenk ship" and that this year will be one of great spiritual growth for Rick and myself and for all of our children.